If there is one thing I have learned in playing football, basketball, and lacrosse through high school, four years of varsity lacrosse in college and coaching a number of my kids’ soccer teams, it’s that being on a good team can make all the difference.
In my first article, “Why Support Teams Are Vital to Your Porn Recovery,” I stressed that we need to be on a team because we are all in a battle. We have an internal enemy called our flesh, or sinful nature, and we live in a fallen world where porn has become omnipresent. In Ephesians 6, Paul says we do not do battle with flesh and blood but with demonic powers. So, like it or not, every day you wake up you are entering a battle, you are out manned and out gunned, and you are behind enemy lines.
You have also become addicted to one of the most difficult addictions to break. I have a friend who is a physician who manages drug and alcohol recovery centers all over our state. He himself at one time lost his license to practice medicine because of his own addiction to drugs and alcohol. He has had three marriages blow up but he is now 30 years sober from drugs and alcohol. I am his sex addiction recovery coach, and yesterday he told me that quitting the use of porn and sex is harder to stop than alcohol and drugs.
So, how does one find the right support group so essential to your recovery? Here are some critical suggestions.
If you are a Christian, find a biblically based group.
Please understand that I have nothing again 12-Step Groups like SA, SAA, and SLAA. My dad was a recovering alcoholic, and Alcoholics Anonymous added 15 years of sobriety and extended his life. I believe the 12-Steps of Recovery are all biblically based and were founded by Christian men. However, in order to help men who are not Christians, they have made their message religiously neutral, and you can pick your own higher power.
If you have been born again by the Spirit of God and trust Christ as the Savior from your sins, you have become alive in Christ and sealed by the Holy Spirit. We know our Savior’s name, and His Spirit lives inside of our bodies.
I believe these facts are extremely important in helping us recover from our sexual brokenness. These answers are not only for battling sexual sins but are essential to living the Christian life and applicable to all believers. Becoming saved impacts your whole life and begins the process of sanctification where we are becoming conformed by the transformation of our mind and our life by the Holy Spirit.
This is why we spend nine sessions of our 25-session program, called the 180 Recovery Program, learning about the Holy Spirit. By walking in the Spirit, we can be transformed by the Spirit. A Christian recovery program is not about helping one achieve abstinence from sexual sin, but rather about being transformed by the Spirit into a more holy person.
Find a group that meets frequently.
Recovery from this highly addictive behavior is not going to be fixed in ten meetings. This issue will be part of our lives as long as we have a sinful nature living inside of us. We live in a fallen world with access to porn 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and we are in a battle with spiritual forces of darkness. In other words, until we reach eternity, we are going to struggle with sin.
I don’t mean to sound so negative, but this is human reality. I have learned that not only do the hundreds of men we work with need to meet weekly for accountability, but they also need daily support. They need to develop real, strong relationships with one another and stay in touch with each other every day.
We have a saying in our 180 Recovery Program: “If you are being tempted, reach up to God, reach out to your support group, before you reach into your pants.” How many times do we continue to fall because we are living in isolation and have nobody from whom we can get help right there in the moment of temptation?
We use GroupMe or WhatsApp so the guys in the groups can stay in touch with each other anytime during the day, so that none of them have to be alone.
Don’t wait to get started!
We have been starting 180 Recovery Programs in any church that would like to have one. Unfortunately, most churches do not want to address the issue of addiction. I started 180 at Vineyard Columbus 11 years ago with nine men. Today we have about 80 men and have started other 180 groups in five other local churches and can start one anywhere.
We also have 12 online support teams that meet every week. So, you can get help by just contacting me. There are also other good ministries that are active in churches, such as Celebrate Recovery and Conquer Series.
If a support ministry is Christ-centered, practical in addressing the issues of addiction, meets weekly on an ongoing basis through the year, and has encouraging daily support, you’ve found an excellent group to start your recovery. However, just getting a small group of guys together for a men’s Bible study will probably not have a leader trained in sex addiction recovery who knows how to address the multi-faceted issues that you need help with.
I invite anyone who is interested to contact me; we’ll let you actually sit in one of our Online Support Teams and see how well they are working.
John Doyel
Dedicated himself to helping men recover from sexual sin and return to God. He led a recovery ministry at Vineyard Columbus called 180 Recover.
The Nathan Project is sharing this blog from our partner Covenant Eyes. The original article can be found by clicking on the logo.
